WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
