well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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