Sponge bath it is.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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