K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
