i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
