how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
