i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
