Little spoons don't ask big questions
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
