He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
