Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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