if i can run in heels then i can drive
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize