Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
