If i come over, it means nothing
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
