Swine flu. Run for my life!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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