the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
