My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
