If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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