summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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