just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
