My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
