everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
