Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
