Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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