He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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