In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
