I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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