meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
