I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
