She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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