I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
