Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
