If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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