I cannot find my penis.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
