At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
