I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
