update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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