this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
