you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
