you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
