okay pat passed out under dana's car
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
