you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
