Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
