I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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