The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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