i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
