1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
