Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
