u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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