my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
