and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize