I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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