end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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