i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
