Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
