summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
