and you said cock pushups were impossible
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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