Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
