i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
