Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
