Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My feet surprised me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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