so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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