Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
