ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
