pedialite and red bull = repair kit
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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