He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
