There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
soo... how was my night?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
