We're like a lot better than the average bears
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
