Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
