Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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